Why I Recommend High-Dose Psilocybin For Your Happiness

I lost my mind and experienced ego-death. A terrifying experience I recommend.

Learn how my first ‘hero dose’ transformed my life philosophy. Appreciate the power of the breath to overcome discomfort and terror.

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My best friend texted me. “Hey, let's do that hero dose soon.” It was a reminder to prioritize accelerated self-development. For years, I avoided psychedelics as a means to improve my well-being. But since my first experience, I became 100% convinced that every human with a mind could benefit from ego-dissolving psilocybin.

And so I replied: “Let’s do it on Saturday.”

No sitter. No sweat. On Saturday, we gathered with our journals, wrote down our intentions, and went into the darkness with chill expectations. Those expectations were battered.

The Journey

At 830am, my best friend and I consumed 5 grams of mushrooms each.

At 845am, I was already feeling it. And I was afraid of what was to come. Typically, the onset is around 45 minutes. Not 15…

At 9am, I was gone. I had left the body, and physical reality. I didn’t know when I was coming back.

It was extremely uncomfortable. I felt an urge to vomit at times. What kept me alive was focusing on one breath at a time. Every time I felt resistance surfacing in my body, I took a deep breath and sighed. I said to myself, in my head: “Everything is OK. Everything is going to be OK. This too shall pass.”

Another phrase I kept repeating to myself was “I am Jacques, I say yes to life. I say yes to pain. I open myself to life.” When these words came to mind, I visualized myself as being open-armed, eyes closed.

I did not know when I was going to wake up. I had accepted that my best friend had died and that I would never come back to my body. I had accepted that I was permanently high. This was scary. I really wanted to re-inhabit my ego. But I was forced to let go of that.

I had to let go of helping my friend too. He was struggling. He was asking for my help. About 30 minutes in, I remember him saying: “Jacques… I thought I could handle it. I can’t.” He was vomiting. I was worried about him. But I had to accept that I couldn’t help him.

This was the most fear and discomfort I had ever experienced in my life.

When you experience a level of discomfort above your tolerance, you are forced into surrender. And this expands your tolerance for discomfort.

915am. I kept breathing. I kept reminding myself that, whatever happens, everything is going to be alright. I knew my friend was having a horrible experience. I was too. Except, I had surrendered somehow. He hadn’t.

After 2 hours of using my breath to calm down, the effects started to fade.

11am. I started to feel my body again. I felt the heat from the blankets. Gradually, I regained sensation in my hands. I felt my lips and tongue again. Immediately, I called for my friend: “Are you alive?”

He responded “I’m here Jacques.” I took a deep breath, and my eyes started to swell with tears. In this moment, I had regained my body and I had learnt that my friend was still alive. “I’m so glad you're alive.” I said with tears of joy.

I was so glad I was too. I felt reborn.

The next hour I spent looking at my hands, feet, and body, with renewed appreciation. I had lost this masterpiece of flesh for the last two hours, and ‘the universe’ had returned it to me. I looked closely at my hands and witnessed aging in real-time. My hands looked frail for one second, and youthful for another. Trippy.

I took a shower. This is when I really started to see the beauty of my body. I looked in the mirror. I was so happy to be back. I said to myself: “This body is a masterpiece.” At this point, all my bodily insecurities dissolved. Size, posture, muscle mass, you name it.

I was convinced that I would be stuck in ‘no-mind-or-body-zone’ for eternity. It felt like that because I had no sense of time. When I returned, I stopped taking my body and mind for granted. It’s great to exist in physical reality.

As I write this, I have never felt so much gratitude for my body and ego: these are the gateways to the human experience. Reinforce them.

Trip Insights

• I practice surrender in the presence of discomfort.

The obstacle is the way. The only way past is through. Mental fortitude is measured by the ability to surrender in the presence of extreme emotional discomfort and fear. Surrendering means to dissolve the resistance to sensory experiences. I learnt to surrender by focusing on my breath.

• Problems exist in physical form.

I was afraid of vomiting on the carpet. I was afraid that my friend was dead. I was afraid that I would never come back. When I experienced all these thoughts, I reminded myself that all of these problems exist in the physical realm. I transcend the physical realm.

• I say yes to whatever comes my way.

My new approach to any form of discomfort or resistance is to say yes and breathe. What mushrooms did for me is expose me to the highest form of discomfort. I proved to myself that I am capable of surrendering to anything. I am immune to physical discomfort. I have befriended fear.

• My body is beautiful and precious.

When I returned to my body, I was ecstatic. Having a body to experience life is something I took for granted. After experiencing what its like to not have a body, I have infinite gratitude for my body. It is a beautiful masterpiece.

• Whatever happens, it’s all going to be OK.

We fear so many events. But when they happen, we can be at peace. I learnt how to be at peace with death and my friend’s death. My sense of attachment to life as I know it has diminished. Whatever happens is perfectly ok. Its not going to hurt me. I am immune to hurt. I have already died.

• With time, pain passes.

Having faith that the pain will pass. That eventually, everything will go back to normal. I had to remind myself of this. Sure, I surrendered to my new reality of not having a body, but I also had faith. With time, pain dissolves. With time, everything heals.

Big Takeaway: My discomfort tolerance predicts my well-being. The more discomfort I can say yes to, the greater my ability to behave proactively and consciously in difficult situations becomes.

Today, I was reborn. I reinvigorated my gratitude for my body and my ego. I learnt how to surrender to extreme pain and fear. I recommend this method for advanced self-development.